No Such Thing As A bad Kid

Have you ever heard some one say, “They’re a bad kid”? I have, recently. And I truly believe that there is no such thing as a bad kid. There are misguided kids, kids who are seeking love and attention, troubled kids, and wrong parenting choices.

I have seen parents of Adult children, not taking responsibility for how they turned out. I have noticed that if a child grows up, and is successful in a career, love, is a respectable person, or even a good parent, the people who raised that child stand proud and admit, “Yes, I raised that Boy/Girl”, “They are a chip off the old block” etc…. But if a child grows up to not follow the rules/law, makes bad parenting choices, or is a failure in life, the people who raised that child are caught saying things like “I have no idea how they turned out that way”, or “They certainly were not raised to behave that way”. I shake my head and reply, “Really?”

Babies are born a blank slate. Psychologists, Doctor’s and Scientists have all proved that the first Two years of a child life is the most important time for developing mentally. That in fact, things that happen to a baby or toddler, can contribute to who they become as an adult. It has been proven (and what I thought was common knowledge) is that the parents of a child are the most influential people in that child’s life. Of coarse, others play a role in a child’s development. Close family members, teachers, coaches etc….. We all basically lay out a map, for who a child will grow up to be.

Some of us have heard the argument nature vs. nurture. Meaning, what a child is born with vs. what they are taught. If a child is homosexual, or transgender etc… that is nature. If a child is autistic, down syndrome etc… that is nature. A child that has no respect for parents……nurture.

Once you conceive a baby, every decision you make affects that child. The way you and your spouse/partner fight, the way you and your spouse/partner talk to each other, The way you make up and solve your problems, the way you handle life problems or situations. If a parent is an alcoholic, that child is more likely to grow up to be an alcoholic, and so on.

I have had my struggles with parenting. I have had a to parent a Two year-old coming to me and asking why she doesn’t have a Dad. I have had to comfort and try to explain to a 6 year-old why her baby Sister died. And most recently, a toddler who throws temper tantrums. The most important thing I did for my Daughter, was show her love and support. I keep an open line of communication with her ALWAYS. There have been many times she has come to me and said ” Mom, I need to talk”. And I listen. A very important word….listen, listen to your child. The next most important thing you can do for your child, is acknowledging their good deeds. ALWAYS praise the good behavior, and punish the bad behavior. Consistency, is another important parenting tool.

Kids pick up on everything. You have to watch what you say and do. The best parenting advise I have ever gotten is to practice what you preach, and lead by example, and when there is a tantrum ignore the behavior NOT the child. And yes, that was advise I have received. Part of being a responsible parent, is admitting when you need help. When you are overwhelmed, and most importantly accepting advise or ideas from other parents. They say it take a village to raise a child. It does.

So I will proudly stand here and tell you, that there is no such thing as a bad kid. Kids are not something you own. They are not a pet. They are a person, you chose to have. They are little people wanting love, support, praise, acceptance and guidance. How they behave is a reflection of your parenting.

This Year Marks A Decade Of My Life, I Will Never Forget. Chapter Ten

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, about my past, my present, and my future. At the young age of 21, I started a new chapter in my life. Not only was I going to be a Mom; but I was going to be a single Mom. I had no idea what I was in for, or what I was doing. But I promised myself that I would do what was best for my baby. I promised that I would never lie to her. I would never put myself before her. And that, the most important thing was her happiness.

I didn’t graduate High School, or go to College, but I do consider the last 10 years a success. There are those of you who will disagree, and say that only a College or University degree can make you a success. Those are people I pity. Because they don’t understand what life is really about.

I will be 32 this year, and I have survived a constant struggle. For most people, there 20’s are about school. Worrying about classes, grades, housing, and party’s. My 20’s were about surviving in the real world while raising a child. I’ve gotten my heart broken many times. Once by my first ‘puppy dog love’ Boyfriend. Some by my Dad, some by my Mom, twice by a good friend, and a shattered heart with the death of my baby. And I sit here now, happy and looking forward to the future. I made it through everything, and still find the beauty in life. I feel joy and love when I look at my beautiful Girls, and I can always count on them to put a smile on my face. I am lucky to have found my other half. I am, one of the few who do marry their Best Friend. And I know that if not for him, I may not have made it through the last few years.

We now have our house up for sale. We will be moving into the country. I will be starting a new chapter in my life. I plan on going to school, with hopes of becoming a grief counselor. Maybe even a very small, slight chance of having one more baby.

I do feel very grateful for where I am today. And for the first time, I feel ready to put the last decade behind me. I however, bring with me into the next chapter, the lessons I have learned.

So, no…..Some of you may not see the last decade of my life a success. And that’s okay. Because I have survived the storm of my 20’s. I am wiser and stronger. I have mended relationships that are worth mending. I know who I can count on, and who I can’t. And I know that I am not alone. Sometimes you just have to ask, and someone will be there for you. I may not have a College or University degree, but I do have Three beautiful kids, the best Husband a Women could ask for, Parents and In-Laws, who would do just about anything for me, my Husband, and their Granddaughters, and I also have a Cousin who has stood by me no matter what. I consider myself lucky to have these wonderful people in my life.

Moving forward into my 30’s, I wish Natalie all the best. I still miss her sometimes, and I want her to be happy in whatever she does. I miss her kids, and wish they succeed and find happiness. As for my ex…… I wish he learns to keep it in his pants, and stops reproducing. Kyla doesn’t need any more half siblings out there.

Thank You for reading my blog. Some of them were hard to write. Some of them were badly written. But the purpose of my blog tell my story, heal my soul, and maybe relate to some of you out there. One of the best things we can do for another person, is to let them know that they are not alone. There is someone out there who has been through it, and who understands.

If when I was 20, I had cut ties with my ex and went off to further my education, I would not have Kyla. I would not have moved to Acton. I wouldn’t have been able to build a good friendship with Natalie, and share good memories with her. I may not have met Ashley, the love of my life. And I wouldn’t have lost Paige, or had Zoey. In healing from Paige’s death, I have been able to find what it is that I want to do with my life. Maybe when I was 20, and had done everything differently, I would have missed out on the people who fill my heart with the most love, and the experiences that have prepared me for the future. I would have missed out on events who have made me the strong women I am today. To me, that is more important than any degree.

This Year Marks A Decade In My Life, That I Will Never Forget. Chapter Nine

A Shindig…..

 

 

 

The night before our wedding, Ashley and I had just gone to bed. 15 minutes later, I got up and was frantic. I needed to find my Mom bracelet…….

My Mom bracelet. This bracelet was a Mother’s Day gift from Kyla. It was for my very first Mothers Day. I know my parents picked it out, and bought it. But it symbolizes a new chapter in life as a Mom. And there was no way I was going to start the next chapter of my life without it. I was searching all in a frenzy. Ashley thought I was losing it. For those of you who have been married. You know what a bride is like the just before her wedding.

Once I found my Mom bracelet, I was ready to try and get some sleep. Tomorrow would be a good day.

July 2, 2011

I was feeling anxious, and was on my way to the hair salon with my Mom, my Maid of Honor Kathryn, my Daughter and my flower Girl Kyla. As we arrived at the hair salon for hair and make-up, we met up with my Mom in-law Lena, and my Sister in-law Jaclyn. We were all filled with excitement about the wedding.

Once we were done getting beautified, we rushed back to the house. We were running about 15-20 minutes behind. We got dressed; Lena, Jaclyn, and my Mom, went outside to join the other guests. While we were waiting in the house the photographer took some photos of Kyla, Kathryn and me. It was the perfect way to calm my nerves. Than before we knew it, it was time for Ashley and I to get married.

My Dad came inside, and arm in arm we walked outside onto the back deck. On my way out I tripped a little. Thank GOD, I didn’t fall. My Dad and I walked down the steps of the deck, to where Ashley was waiting. While we were going through the vows, I couldn’t look at him. Every time I did, I would start crying tears of joy. I was so fulled with happy emotions, that I thought I would burst. So, I took little glances at him instead.

Ashley and I have always joked around about being each others kind of weird. We even had that engraved into out wedding rings. So I thought this Dr.Seuss quote was perfect for our wedding vows.

 

When it came time for the kiss, I think we were both nervous about kissing in front of everyone. Days before the wedding we had the conversation about the wedding kiss. A conversation that I am sure most couple have before their wedding. You want it to be romantic, not skanky. But in that moment, in front of all those people, the nerves took over, and we went with a nervous peck on the lips.

After the ceremony, lots and lots of pictures were taken. After pictures, we ate and socialized.

At the end of the day, after all guests left. We were exhausted. But it was and always will be one of the best days of my life. The day i married my Best Friend ❤

 

 

This Year Marks A Decade Of My Life, I Will Never Forget. Chapter Eight

In 2010, Three Months after Ashley and I moved into our house together, and our engagement; my Dad tried to commit suicide.

I was devastated. In the past he had threatened to kill himself, but as far as I know, he never tried. This time was different. This time he had tried. I went through a roller-coaster of emotions. I was mostly angry though. How dare he leave me. How dare he hurt my Mom like that. I thought he was selfish, to want to leave my Mom and me. I was angry. Angry that I could no longer feel happiness about my engagement. Cause Dad had taken that away.

When a relative tries to kill themselves; you go through so many feelings, emotions, and thoughts. It is a very hard thing to deal with. I could only imagine, what it must be like for family members of people who succeed at suicide. My heart goes out to those people.

For years I struggled with what he did. I tried so many times to forgive him. But I couldn’t get passed it. I felt betrayed. I know that sounds very selfish of me. But that is one thing you go through. You try to understand why someone would want to take their own life. You try to understand why someone would want to leave their family; to hurt their family like that. So..Two years later, when we lost Paige, I was an even bigger mess.

As I mentioned before; about 3 Months after Paige passed away, I found a job to keep my mind off of things. I mean, I was supposed to be home taking care of a baby, and now there was no baby to take care of. I needed to keep my mind busy. When the job didn’t work out, I found myself at home again. I was still on the mission of filling a void that couldn’t be filled. I would think of little projects, like painting the house, to keep my mind busy. Eventually I ran out of things to do. I wanted a baby so bad. That urge to take care of Paige was so strong. I needed a baby. We got pregnant with Zoey, 9 Months after losing Paige.

During my mourning of Paige, I felt a lot of anger inside. I didn’t realize at the time though, just how much that anger was growing. I was taking it out on everyone. I even stopped talking to my parents. Of coarse I thought I was justified in my reasoning for taking them out of my life. Little did I know, that not having my parents in my life was fueling the anger. I needed them, and couldn’t see clearly enough to realize that. I hurt so much, that I actually felt like I had a ball of anger inside me. I could feel it in my gut. I wanted desperately to get it out. I wanted to feel like me again. I wanted to find that happiness, that I once had.

After Zoey was born I was happy to see her healthy, and alive. But during my hospital stay, the baby blues hit hard. And it didn’t go away. 5 Months after Zoey was born, I started cutting myself. I hated myself. I started fights with anyone who would get in my path. I thought I was a burden on my family, and most of all I felt alone. The loneliness was so strong.

I cry as I write this. To take myself back to what I was feeling, is hard. I wouldn’t wish those feelings upon my worst enemy. Loneliness is a bitch. It is the worst feeling anyone could experience.

I burnt a lot of bridges over 2 1/2 years. After some therapy, and self awareness, I have turned things around. I feel like myself. And for anyone who has ever suffered from mental illness, you can understand, just how amazing it feels, to go through a dark storm, and come out the other side, feeling like yourself again.

After coming out of the storm, I understood my Dad. I understood thoughts he had over the years. And I was finally able to forgive him.

To Be Continued…..

This Year Marks A Decade In My Life, That I Will Never Forget. Chapter Seven

Through everything going on in my life, my ex was always there “poking his head in” every once in a while. I would hear from him by a phone call or by Facebook. And every time I would get an urge to beat the living crap out of him. One time, when Kyla was 4 years-old, he called and asked to talk to her. He made a very convincing plea about how he want’s to be in her life. I told him that if I let him talk to her, that is it. He is to be a part of her life from this moment on. No going back and forth on being a Dad or not. He promised (which I should have known better, than to believe a promise from him), and I gave Kyla the phone. They talked for a few minutes. He than made me another promise. He said that he would call Kyla the next day after work. He never called………

I was so angry. I was angry with myself for falling for his bullshit again. And I was angry at him for hurting Kyla…again. Ashley was also pissed off. He was feeling protective of Kyla, and he said he didn’t want her to get hurt. I do believe that if Ashley had been face to face with Brad, he would have beat the crap out of him. Just because how much he has hurt me and Kyla.

In 2011, Ashley and I started the process of getting Brad to sign over his parental rights. Ashley was going to adopt Kyla.

With a lot of hassle, Brad finally signed over his rights. Ashley adopted Kyla.

I decided to leave out a lot of details about my history with Brad. GOD knows there isn’t enough paper or a big enough computer screen to tell you everything. I will just tell you that the people who know me, and my character know the truth. The people who still fall for his bullshit lies..well, I feel pity for them. The last I heard, Brad got married, had a baby girl, and is now divorced. Apparently she told Brad that he wasn’t the Father of their child. I could bet money that he is the Father. He is just up to his lies once again, to run away from responsibility.

I can say I have no feelings at all for Brad. Not even anger. It took me a long time to get over him and his abandoning me and Kyla. I have gone through all of the emotions. I have shed way to many tears over him. I have moved on. Kyla and I are happy. Kyla has a fantastic Dad (one she deserves). I don’t wish Brad the best. I wish him nothing. I truly believe with all of my heart that he is a sociopath.

I do like to give advice on this topic to other people in similar situations. I also try to tell people, that when you see a ‘Man’ bashing his baby Mama, calling her this and that, blaming her for this and that, and denying his child. 90% of the time, it’s the guy who is in the fault. That ‘crazy bitch’ or ‘slut’ he’s talking about, is raising his child. Taking responsibility, while he runs around sleeping with who ever will open his legs for him.

I ask you, please, when you see a single Mother, don’t assume she is a gold digger or crazy. Assume that, she is a Women who was fucked over, by some immature sorry excuse for a ‘Man’.

 

To Be Continued………..

This Year Marks A Decade Of My Life, I Will Never Forget. Chapter Six

Friends…..again?

 

I went over to Natalie’s three years after our big fight, and about 7 Months after Paige passed away. We cried, we both apologized. It was great to see her after three years.

We took time, and caught up on what we missed in each others lives. She had already known about Ashley and I losing Paige. Natalie hung out with another old good friend of mine, Abra. Who had come to the funeral.

When I left Natalie’s I felt good. I did however, find it very surprising on how forgiving and forth coming, and apologetic she was. If there is one thing I know about Natalie, it’s that she is not a very forgiving person. But I pushed that thought aside, and decided to just be happy to be friends again. After all, I did miss her….a lot.

A couple of months later, Ashley and I were pregnant again. Emotions and fears were running high. Worrying that we would lose another baby.

Throughout my pregnancy, I would confide in Natalie about how scared I was. She would listen, and reassure me. And there were times, that she would confide in me, about how unhappy she was in her marriage. She would tell about plans she had to leave. And all the times, that she would tell me things about her marriage, I never talked to her about my marriage with Ashley. For one, we were good, and I had no plans on leaving him. I thought it would just be wrong for me to sit there and tell her how I was happy with my Husband. So, I kept my mouth shut, and just listened to her, and tried to give her advice.

As far as my pregnancy was going; things were tough sometimes. Emotionally, and mentally. The fear of losing another baby, was so strong.

My Doctor sent me to Credit Valley Hospital. There they have a High Risk clinic, and doctors who are more prepared for baby and delivery emergencies (where I should have been sent with the pregnancy before). This calmed my nerves a lot. To know that you and your baby are in good hands, after a bad situation with your last pregnancy, feels great.

I had the same high blood pressure, but no medication for it was needed. I also got the Gestational diabetes again, but I was more educated this time around. Thanks to Credit Valley Hospital. I had the hot itchy feet again, but no blisters this time. I also learned how to get the itching to calm down.  And I can very happily say… NO Pre-Eclampsia this time.

At 37 weeks, our little baby Zoey was delivered but c-section. She was healthy, and we were so re-leaved. A very happy moment for us.

About 3 to 4 months after Zoey was born. Things with Natalie started to change again. She started to ignore my texts and Facebook messages, and I caught her lying to me. Finally I had had enough. When we became friends again, we both agreed to talk to each other if there was a problem. Holding it in, is what ruined our friendship the last time. So, I confronted her. She than proceeded to tell me that she was to busy. And that I needed to stop being selfish. I responded to her by saying, that expecting a friend to return a text message tor a message on Facebook isn’t selfish. Friends don’t ignore friends. I decided at that moment to end out friendship for good. We wished each other the best, and that was that. We haven’t spoken since.

I still miss being friends with Natalie. I think though, I miss what our friendship used to be, not what it had become. We grew into different women, with different morals. I truly do wish her all the best. I really hope that she can find happiness.

 

To Be Continued……..

 

 

This Year Marks A Decade Of My Life, I Will Never Forget. Chapter Five

My Husband and I were married July 2, 2011. We conceived a baby on our Honeymoon. That was our plan. At that time, we thought our plans would go exactly as we had laid them out. What we didn’t know, was that we were about to learn, that life doesn’t always turn out the way you want it to. And plans sometimes go in the shitter (metaphorically speaking)

When we found out that we were pregnant, we were excited. That is until Two weeks later we had a threatened miscarriage. The Doctor in the Hospitals Emergency, told me to take it easy for the next 24 hours. So, we went home, and I did nothing for 24 hours. I was scared.

24 hours has pasted and, baby was fine. I was able to continue with regular activity.

The pregnancy continued, and it seemed I had problem after problem. I had Gestational Diabetes, and had to inject myself with insulin. I had Gestational Hypertension (very high blood pressure) and pre-eclampsia (which I didn’t even know I had, until after the pregnancy) I also developed hot itchy feet. The itch got so bad, that I developed blisters, and had to sleep with a bucket of cold water beside the couch every night. Yep, I had to sleep on the couch, because I found our bedroom to humid, which would make my feet act up. I was starting to feel down. I didn’t know if I could make it through the pregnancy.

Because my first pregnancy and delivery went perfectly, my doctor was planning on a natural birth for this baby. I was uneasy about that, but I kept my mouth shut.

The blister on my feet got so bad, that I decided to get the doctors to look at it. During my non-stress test, I showed the nurse my feet. The look on her face made me embarrassed. She put gloves on, and was afraid to touch my feet. To give you a mental visual….. my feet were very swollen,as I was about 35 weeks pregnant. They were red from scratching, and had blisters all over them.

No one was able to figure out what was going on.

At 36 weeks, everything got so bad, that my Husband took me to emergency. The doctor who was on-call, brushed off my problems, and told me to take Benadryl. At the time I didn’t know that Benadryl can increase your blood pressure. I probably shouldn’t have been taking that.

A few days later, my doctor would tell me that at 37 weeks I would be induced. The baby was to big for me to go to 40 weeks, and with all my problems, it would be safer to induce early.

Induction day arrived, and my Husband and I went to the hospital to have our baby.

Around 9am, my doctor came in, and put a strip on my cervix that was supposed to get labor started. A few hours in, and the pain was unbearable. Now, I should tell you, that I have a high pain tolerance. So the fact that I was in tears, and couldn’t sit or stand because of the pain, my Husband and myself knew there was something wrong. Of coarse the nurse brushed it off, and told me “Induced labor is more painful than natural labor”. I knew something was wrong. They decided to get me an epidural. It did nothing. I could still feel so much pain on my right side. The doctor, nurses and the anesthesiologist were perplexed. The anesthesiologist said I shouldn’t be feeling anything. That’s when my doctor noticed blood between my legs.

 

Something like 7 1/2 hours after induction, I was being wheeled down the hall, on my way to have an emergency c-section.  During the c-section, they made my Husband leave my side, and wait in the hall. He knew then that something was seriously wrong. He was terrified for me and the baby. I was so doped up that I could feel anxious or scared. I remember asking if my Husband was okay.

The doctor took the baby out. There was no crying. I remember seeing a group of people gathered around her. I couldn’t see her. They stitched me up, and sent me to recovery.

We were told that the doctor was on the phone with Sick Kids Hospital. I remember I looked at my Husband and said, “If there is something wrong with her, that is were she should be”.

A short time later, the Pediatrician came into the recovery room, and told us that our baby passed away. I was so dehydrated, that I couldn’t cry.

The hardest thing my Husband and I have ever had to do together, is leave that hospital without a baby. I remember my Husband wheeled me to the main lobby of the hospital, so he could pull the car around. As he was walking out the hospital door, a man carrying a car seat, and a big smile on his face, came walking in. In that moment I felt so incredibly sad for my Husband. Seeing that man must have been a kick in the fave.

My Husband, our Daughter (who was 6 years-old at the time), and myself, spent the first week after our baby’s death, laying around the house. We didn’t watch TV or anything. We just sat, and stared.

Than we had to plan a funeral for our little Girl……….

This Year Marks A Decade Of My Life, I Will Never Forget. Chapter Four

Friends?

 

When I was pregnant with Kyla, the decision to move away from Milton (the town I grew up in) wasn’t easy. Everyone I knew lived in Milton. My Best Friend lived in Acton, so that made it a little easier. At least I knew some one there. I was a lone a lot, in the last couple months of my pregnancy. Natalie was always there for me. I would go to her house just about everyday. And that made me feel a little less lonely.

After my baby was born, I still visited Natalie’s house often. She was the only one of my friends who was a Mom, so of coarse I would go to her for advice. I even made her and her Husband, Kyla’s God Parents. At the time, I thought they would be the perfect people to take my baby, if anything should ever happen to me. After all, they had a house, they were married, they had kids, and she was my best friend, who knew everything that I had been through, and was still going through with my ex.

We celebrated Christmas together. We took our kids Trick-or-Treating together. We had camp fires, and partied together. Kyla’s first Birthday party was held at her house. Natalie was my Best Friend, my rock when I needed someone, and I was her’s when she needed someone. When she was unhappy about her marriage, I was there for her. I kept all of her secrets, even the ones involving adultery. I never judged her. And she was happy being my friend. Until I met Ashley…….

After about three months of dating, Ashley and I said “I love you”, for the first time. Everyone was telling me how happy I was. The people in my life could see how happy I was with him. I started to notice Natalie didn’t seem to impressed. Whenever I told her he was ‘The One’, she would get this look of disbelief on her face. She even started saying that I had changed, and that I didn’t seem happy. I thought that was strange considering she was the only one telling me that I seemed miserable.

Even though I had met Ashley. I still made time for Natalie. We were both at home during the day, so we would go shopping together. Take the kids to the park and have picnics. Finally Natalie’s seemed to accept my feelings for Ashley, and everything seemed perfect.

One year later, Ashley and I decided to move in together. We were getting a house. I even sucked up my pride and went to work at McDonald’s; that way for sure we could make ends meet. Well…all of a sudden Natalie started ignoring me. If we talked on the phone, she would give me one word answers. I’d ask her over, and over again if something was wrong. And she always said “No, nothing is wrong”. One day we were on the phone, and I had finally had it with her sudden change in attitude towards me. I blew up at her, and gave her a piece of my mind. We went back and forth, putting each other down. She even went behind my back and messaged Ashley on Facebook. It was an attempted to break us up. Ashley and I read the message, and we both sat there and laughed. That was the end of mine and Natalie’s friendship.

The ending of a long friendship is like a break up. You go through so many emotions. I had days where I absolutely hated her. I wanted to punch her in the face. But I also had days were I missed her. We raised our kids together for 4 years. We were friends for 10 years. It took a long time for me to get over our friendship. Than one day I stopped thinking of her.

Three years later, Natalie and I met for coffee……..

To Be Continued…….

 

 

This Year marks A Decade Of My Life, I Will Never Forget. Chapter Three

Finding Love as a Single Mother……

I was recovering very well from the whiplash. The insurance company was taking care of the accident, and me unable to find a job fast enough, and still no child support coming in; I had to rely once again on Ontario Works for income (Not something I’m proud of). I found myself with all of this extra time on my hands.  I started thinking now what? It was one of those times you do a little recessing on your life.

When Kyla was born, my life was all about her. For the first 15 months of her life. I had absolutely no interest in dating. I eventually started thinking about it, but after everything my ex had put me through, I just wanted to have fun.(Well, as much fun as you can have while being a responsible Mom.) Don’t get the wrong idea. I was not out all the time partying. Every other weekend was all I got. But hey, it was better than nothing, after all I was only 25, and single. To tell you the truth…I never really was the ‘party’ type. No matter what I did, I always played it a little safe.

Now I was 25 with a Three year-old. Kyla was well taken care of, and I was ready to find some one I could possibly settle down with. I was lonely. One of the bad sides to being single in your 20’s. After a night of drinking, my best friend would go home to her Husband, and I went home to no one. I wanted to have some one to come home to.

One day I was hanging out at Natalie’s. I was telling her how I was ready to finally find a good Man. She suggested that I try on-line dating. Natalie had made this suggestion before, and I had laughed it off. I told her that I didn’t want to meet someone that way. But the second time she suggested it, I decided to give it a try. I wasn’t 100% sold on the idea, but in real life you don’t meet men while doing your grocery shopping, and guys some of my friends tried hooking me up with, just didn’t meet up to my standards (the word immature comes to mind).  I made way to a computer and started looking for a dating site (I was trying to find one that I didn’t have to pay for). Finally I found one, I set up a profile and started looking at men’s profiles. I realized at that moment that this wasn’t going to be easy. Maybe my standards were to high, but I had a Daughter to look out for.

About 2 weeks after I set up my profile, I got a message from this guy named Ashley. (And yes, I did giggle a little about his name). He was a farmer, who hated smoking, he liked piercings and tattoos, like country and rock/metal music, didn’t drink, and honestly….that’s all I remember about what his profile said. I was intrigued.

My profile (if I can remember) I was quitting smoking, I drank socially, I was a single mom, I liked all kinds of music, I liked piercings and tattoos, and that’s I can recall.

We passed a few messaged back and forth, but we both wanted to meet in person. There was no point in an online relationship. Might as well meet, and find out right away if we click.

March 7, 2009. It was a rainy day.  I drove to a Milton Tim Horton’s. I was so nervous. My plan was to arrive first. I was the first one there, so I  ordered a coffee, and waited. Then a White and Blue Ford F350 Diesel pickup with a snow plow on the front, drove into the parking lot. I knew when I saw that truck,  that was the farmer I was waiting for.

He came in, bought a hot chocolate and come and sat down. To this day Ashley claims to have tripped on a chair while he was walking over, but I was so nervous, that I didn’t even notice.

We sat and talked, and before we knew it, it was time to part ways. We agreed to see each other again. Possibly a movie date. I didn’t want to leave. I liked him, and I wanted to talk some more.

When I met up with my Cousin (who was watching Kyla for me), I was so excited. I knew then , that I didn’t want to meet anyone else.

To Be Continued……….

 

This Year Marks A Decade Of My Life, I Will Never Forget. Chapter Two

Baby Daddy Drama……

2005 marked my Grandparents 50th wedding anniversary, Kyla was 4 weeks old, and we were dinning at a fancy restaurant with my Mom’s side of the family. I will never forget that day. That was the day I found out that Kyla’s Bio-Dad (or ‘sperm donor’, as his Mother likes to call him) had a new Girlfriend. The news of a new Girlfriend didn’t bother me. It was her age……. she was only 17. He would have been 24 years of age at the time; she was 17 and her name was Jenn. That was when I decided to take him to court for full custody and child support (which I wasn’t getting).

Through out my pregnancy he played me, and everyone else. Girl after Girl, he tried running from the truth, and the responsibility he didn’t want. And because of his constant refusal to admit that he was the Father. My Dad offered to pay for a paternity test. Brad refused to get one.

After the baby was born, I tried to be civil. I took Kyla over to his place so she could visit with him. Every time there was a group of his friends there. Then one time his new girlfriend was there. I sat in the kitchen watching him hold his baby, while this 17 year-old girl cooed over my Daughter. I noticed that Jenn had a Dora backpack. I was disgusted that Brad was the Father of my baby, and he had a girlfriend who carried a Dora the Explorer backpack. Yep…I had a problem with that. I told him that his baby comes first. And that we need to be civil with each other for her sake. That conversation didn’t go well. He seemed to have so much anger with me. One time he left a nasty message on my voicemail He must have called me every name in the book. I was scared at what he might do. So I made a report with the police.

After that he started to care a little less about the baby. He wouldn’t pay child support, buy diapers, formula, or anything. Then our first court date came. I dressed in black dress pants, a pink turtle neck sweater, heels, and put my hair up. I had a lawyer, and I was ready to go. Brad showed up in blue jeans, long hair, a brown leather jacket, and no lawyer. The judge seemed slightly pissed, and gave us another court date.

Court day number 2 came and I again was with my lawyer, dressed in a professional manner. Brad didn’t show………. So the judge granted me full custody, and ordered Brad to pay child support, and arrears that were owing since Kyla was born. A few weeks later Brad moved to British Columbia with his 17 year-old girlfriend. Kyla and I never saw him again.

I remember thinking; “Why did he sign the Birth Registration if he didn’t want anything to do with her?”. I mean he could have walked away scott free if he didn’t sign. I guess I will never know why he did sign those papers.

In 2007 I was ready to go back to work. I enrolled Kyla into Daycare, and off I went. I got a full-time job working at a dry cleaners. It wasn’t a fancy job, but it payed the bills. There still wasn’t any child support coming in, so I needed any hours I could get. I worked Monday-Friday 8am-5 pm and every Saturday 9am-5pm. Than some weekends my parents would take Kyla for the night, and I would go hang out with my Bestie Natalie, her Husband Josh, and some of his friends. I was happy. Kyla was happy. Life was good.

There were times, living alone with a baby was scary. When Kyla was just a baby, I was living in the one bedroom apartment. Two Men knocked on my door. I saw them through the peep hole. This creepy feeling ran through me. When I didn’t answer the door, one of them said ” Answer the door, we’re not going to hurt you”. I had just put Kyla’s new crib together, and the box was still in the hallway. So these guys knew I was there with a baby. I picked up the phone and called Natalie. The plan was, her Husband was going to come over, pretend to be my boyfriend, and scare those guys away. But while I was on the phone with her I mentioned the police. The guys heard me and said “Police?”. And they left. I may have slept with a knife beside the bed that night. I was terrified.

In 2009 I was in a car accident. I was in Georgetown, and this young girl in a Chrysler company van rear ended me. My car was totaled. I had whiplash, and had to take 6 weeks off of work. Thank God Kyla was not in the car. The whole frame was shifted, her side ( back passengers side) got the worst of it. Because I had to take so much time off, if caused me a lot of grief at work. People got nasty. The work environment got so bad, that I decided to quit. The job hunting began, and I had to find one fast.

To Be Continued…….