I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, about my past, my present, and my future. At the young age of 21, I started a new chapter in my life. Not only was I going to be a Mom; but I was going to be a single Mom. I had no idea what I was in for, or what I was doing. But I promised myself that I would do what was best for my baby. I promised that I would never lie to her. I would never put myself before her. And that, the most important thing was her happiness.
I didn’t graduate High School, or go to College, but I do consider the last 10 years a success. There are those of you who will disagree, and say that only a College or University degree can make you a success. Those are people I pity. Because they don’t understand what life is really about.
I will be 32 this year, and I have survived a constant struggle. For most people, there 20’s are about school. Worrying about classes, grades, housing, and party’s. My 20’s were about surviving in the real world while raising a child. I’ve gotten my heart broken many times. Once by my first ‘puppy dog love’ Boyfriend. Some by my Dad, some by my Mom, twice by a good friend, and a shattered heart with the death of my baby. And I sit here now, happy and looking forward to the future. I made it through everything, and still find the beauty in life. I feel joy and love when I look at my beautiful Girls, and I can always count on them to put a smile on my face. I am lucky to have found my other half. I am, one of the few who do marry their Best Friend. And I know that if not for him, I may not have made it through the last few years.
We now have our house up for sale. We will be moving into the country. I will be starting a new chapter in my life. I plan on going to school, with hopes of becoming a grief counselor. Maybe even a very small, slight chance of having one more baby.
I do feel very grateful for where I am today. And for the first time, I feel ready to put the last decade behind me. I however, bring with me into the next chapter, the lessons I have learned.
So, no…..Some of you may not see the last decade of my life a success. And that’s okay. Because I have survived the storm of my 20’s. I am wiser and stronger. I have mended relationships that are worth mending. I know who I can count on, and who I can’t. And I know that I am not alone. Sometimes you just have to ask, and someone will be there for you. I may not have a College or University degree, but I do have Three beautiful kids, the best Husband a Women could ask for, Parents and In-Laws, who would do just about anything for me, my Husband, and their Granddaughters, and I also have a Cousin who has stood by me no matter what. I consider myself lucky to have these wonderful people in my life.
Moving forward into my 30’s, I wish Natalie all the best. I still miss her sometimes, and I want her to be happy in whatever she does. I miss her kids, and wish they succeed and find happiness. As for my ex…… I wish he learns to keep it in his pants, and stops reproducing. Kyla doesn’t need any more half siblings out there.
Thank You for reading my blog. Some of them were hard to write. Some of them were badly written. But the purpose of my blog tell my story, heal my soul, and maybe relate to some of you out there. One of the best things we can do for another person, is to let them know that they are not alone. There is someone out there who has been through it, and who understands.
If when I was 20, I had cut ties with my ex and went off to further my education, I would not have Kyla. I would not have moved to Acton. I wouldn’t have been able to build a good friendship with Natalie, and share good memories with her. I may not have met Ashley, the love of my life. And I wouldn’t have lost Paige, or had Zoey. In healing from Paige’s death, I have been able to find what it is that I want to do with my life. Maybe when I was 20, and had done everything differently, I would have missed out on the people who fill my heart with the most love, and the experiences that have prepared me for the future. I would have missed out on events who have made me the strong women I am today. To me, that is more important than any degree.
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