This Year Marks A Decade In My Life, That I Will Never Forget. Chapter Seven

Through everything going on in my life, my ex was always there “poking his head in” every once in a while. I would hear from him by a phone call or by Facebook. And every time I would get an urge to beat the living crap out of him. One time, when Kyla was 4 years-old, he called and asked to talk to her. He made a very convincing plea about how he want’s to be in her life. I told him that if I let him talk to her, that is it. He is to be a part of her life from this moment on. No going back and forth on being a Dad or not. He promised (which I should have known better, than to believe a promise from him), and I gave Kyla the phone. They talked for a few minutes. He than made me another promise. He said that he would call Kyla the next day after work. He never called………

I was so angry. I was angry with myself for falling for his bullshit again. And I was angry at him for hurting Kyla…again. Ashley was also pissed off. He was feeling protective of Kyla, and he said he didn’t want her to get hurt. I do believe that if Ashley had been face to face with Brad, he would have beat the crap out of him. Just because how much he has hurt me and Kyla.

In 2011, Ashley and I started the process of getting Brad to sign over his parental rights. Ashley was going to adopt Kyla.

With a lot of hassle, Brad finally signed over his rights. Ashley adopted Kyla.

I decided to leave out a lot of details about my history with Brad. GOD knows there isn’t enough paper or a big enough computer screen to tell you everything. I will just tell you that the people who know me, and my character know the truth. The people who still fall for his bullshit lies..well, I feel pity for them. The last I heard, Brad got married, had a baby girl, and is now divorced. Apparently she told Brad that he wasn’t the Father of their child. I could bet money that he is the Father. He is just up to his lies once again, to run away from responsibility.

I can say I have no feelings at all for Brad. Not even anger. It took me a long time to get over him and his abandoning me and Kyla. I have gone through all of the emotions. I have shed way to many tears over him. I have moved on. Kyla and I are happy. Kyla has a fantastic Dad (one she deserves). I don’t wish Brad the best. I wish him nothing. I truly believe with all of my heart that he is a sociopath.

I do like to give advice on this topic to other people in similar situations. I also try to tell people, that when you see a ‘Man’ bashing his baby Mama, calling her this and that, blaming her for this and that, and denying his child. 90% of the time, it’s the guy who is in the fault. That ‘crazy bitch’ or ‘slut’ he’s talking about, is raising his child. Taking responsibility, while he runs around sleeping with who ever will open his legs for him.

I ask you, please, when you see a single Mother, don’t assume she is a gold digger or crazy. Assume that, she is a Women who was fucked over, by some immature sorry excuse for a ‘Man’.

 

To Be Continued………..

This Year Marks A Decade Of My Life, I Will Never Forget. Chapter Two

Baby Daddy Drama……

2005 marked my Grandparents 50th wedding anniversary, Kyla was 4 weeks old, and we were dinning at a fancy restaurant with my Mom’s side of the family. I will never forget that day. That was the day I found out that Kyla’s Bio-Dad (or ‘sperm donor’, as his Mother likes to call him) had a new Girlfriend. The news of a new Girlfriend didn’t bother me. It was her age……. she was only 17. He would have been 24 years of age at the time; she was 17 and her name was Jenn. That was when I decided to take him to court for full custody and child support (which I wasn’t getting).

Through out my pregnancy he played me, and everyone else. Girl after Girl, he tried running from the truth, and the responsibility he didn’t want. And because of his constant refusal to admit that he was the Father. My Dad offered to pay for a paternity test. Brad refused to get one.

After the baby was born, I tried to be civil. I took Kyla over to his place so she could visit with him. Every time there was a group of his friends there. Then one time his new girlfriend was there. I sat in the kitchen watching him hold his baby, while this 17 year-old girl cooed over my Daughter. I noticed that Jenn had a Dora backpack. I was disgusted that Brad was the Father of my baby, and he had a girlfriend who carried a Dora the Explorer backpack. Yep…I had a problem with that. I told him that his baby comes first. And that we need to be civil with each other for her sake. That conversation didn’t go well. He seemed to have so much anger with me. One time he left a nasty message on my voicemail He must have called me every name in the book. I was scared at what he might do. So I made a report with the police.

After that he started to care a little less about the baby. He wouldn’t pay child support, buy diapers, formula, or anything. Then our first court date came. I dressed in black dress pants, a pink turtle neck sweater, heels, and put my hair up. I had a lawyer, and I was ready to go. Brad showed up in blue jeans, long hair, a brown leather jacket, and no lawyer. The judge seemed slightly pissed, and gave us another court date.

Court day number 2 came and I again was with my lawyer, dressed in a professional manner. Brad didn’t show………. So the judge granted me full custody, and ordered Brad to pay child support, and arrears that were owing since Kyla was born. A few weeks later Brad moved to British Columbia with his 17 year-old girlfriend. Kyla and I never saw him again.

I remember thinking; “Why did he sign the Birth Registration if he didn’t want anything to do with her?”. I mean he could have walked away scott free if he didn’t sign. I guess I will never know why he did sign those papers.

In 2007 I was ready to go back to work. I enrolled Kyla into Daycare, and off I went. I got a full-time job working at a dry cleaners. It wasn’t a fancy job, but it payed the bills. There still wasn’t any child support coming in, so I needed any hours I could get. I worked Monday-Friday 8am-5 pm and every Saturday 9am-5pm. Than some weekends my parents would take Kyla for the night, and I would go hang out with my Bestie Natalie, her Husband Josh, and some of his friends. I was happy. Kyla was happy. Life was good.

There were times, living alone with a baby was scary. When Kyla was just a baby, I was living in the one bedroom apartment. Two Men knocked on my door. I saw them through the peep hole. This creepy feeling ran through me. When I didn’t answer the door, one of them said ” Answer the door, we’re not going to hurt you”. I had just put Kyla’s new crib together, and the box was still in the hallway. So these guys knew I was there with a baby. I picked up the phone and called Natalie. The plan was, her Husband was going to come over, pretend to be my boyfriend, and scare those guys away. But while I was on the phone with her I mentioned the police. The guys heard me and said “Police?”. And they left. I may have slept with a knife beside the bed that night. I was terrified.

In 2009 I was in a car accident. I was in Georgetown, and this young girl in a Chrysler company van rear ended me. My car was totaled. I had whiplash, and had to take 6 weeks off of work. Thank God Kyla was not in the car. The whole frame was shifted, her side ( back passengers side) got the worst of it. Because I had to take so much time off, if caused me a lot of grief at work. People got nasty. The work environment got so bad, that I decided to quit. The job hunting began, and I had to find one fast.

To Be Continued…….

 

 

 

 

 

Infidelity, Divorce & Marriage

I wonder sometimes the why most people or couples get married. I hear a lot of reasons from different people why they took so long to get married, or why they are sticking it out in a relationship that has no happy ending. We live in a society that accepts cheating and multiple sex partners. We have all seen ads that say “Are you unhappy with your relationship? If so blah, blah, blah” These ads are for company’s who condone cheating. I have mentioned in previous blogs that the way society is now, people want and need to the extreme. They have to have everything that their hearts desire and will do almost anything to have it. I see a big problem with this. This kind of thinking controls everything in your life, from career, raising kids, friendships to intimate relationships. At the same time though, people also seem to settle. I find this very confusing. I am the type of person who will wait. I will wait for what I want. I refuse to settle.  I was a single Mother and I was unwilling to find a guy just to be a baby Daddy. I was doing an awesome job raising my Daughter, I wanted to find some one for me. I wanted a partner to face life with and one day raise children together. If that meant being single and lonely at times, then so be it. You know what they say, “Good things come to those who wait”. I believe this to be true.

I ask this question to everyone who reads this blog. If you are so unhappy with something in your life, then why do you stay?

If you hate your job, find a new one.

If you are not in love with you spouse than divorce them, don’t cheat.

Ask yourself, Why did you marry them in the first place?

I am not a relationship expert, but I have learned from my parents and watching other couples about how to make a relationship work. The divorce rates have gone up. Infidelity is sky-high. I know people who are basically sitting and waiting for their spouse to cheat. Are you kidding me???

I have a friend who I talk to about kids stuff and marriage stuff. She told me that for sure one day I won’t find my Husband as attractive as I find him now. This confuses me. I know that there is more to a relationship than just the physical attraction. So when she tells me that, I think, she is saying, one day I will just not trust, like, communicate or respect my Husband anymore?? This may sound like a crock of shit to most people, but I know what he and I have, and I know that it would take a hell of a lot to bring an unbreakable wedge between us.

People have a habit of thinking that every relationship is just like theirs. Every relationship is different, every two people are different in different relationships. My Husband and I get a long amazingly, we can talk to each other about absolutely anything ( and we do). If he and I were with different people, our relationships with those people would be nothing like what we have together.

These are some of my thoughts on why people have shitty relationships or get a divorce.

1. Most people get married for the wrong reasons. Kids, money, or just because they are there are not reasons to get married.

2. A lot of people stay together just for their kids. Horrible idea! If you are miserable, then your kids will be miserable. Remember kids know more about your marriage then you think. Also, you are their role model, show them how a good relationship works, so they can grow up and have healthy relationships of their own.

3. A lot of couples will divorce over the slightest problem. They come to a little speed bump in their marriage and they are ready to sign divorce papers. A good, healthy marriage takes work. Trust, communication, monogamy (that is a big one), respect (another big one) and the lists goes on. Try working through the problem, don’t keep your divorce lawyer on speed dial. You shouldn’t even have a divorce lawyer!

4. Don’t get married young! Yes, it is that simple. I was in a serious relationship. We met when I was 17, and we were together for 4 years, lived together for a little while, had a baby together. He left me to raise her on my own. I was a single Mother for 4 years. One major problem with our relationship was that we were completely different people, we were just to young and immature to see it. People change a lot between the ages of 20 – 25, there is a huge chance that you will grow to become different people. I met my Husband when I was 25 and he was 26. At that point in our lives we grew and matured and knew exactly what we wanted from life and a mate. I am not saying a marriage will not work if you marry young. It just may take more work.

5. Don’t lie about money! If you buy something be honest about it. I have mentioned this before in a previous blog. Money is the number one reason couples divorce. If you have debt going into a relationship, be honest about it.

6. Divorce shouldn’t even be an option until you have tried to save your relationship in every way possible. Only then should it end.(unless there is abuse, then get the hell out as fast as you can)

7. It takes two to make a relationship work or to fix a relationship. I know this from experience. IT WILL NOT WORK IF ONLY ONE PERSON IS WILLING TO TRY!

It all comes down trusting your partner and giving them the benefit of the doubt. Love yourself, because how can some one love you, if you don’t love yourself. Be honest about what you want in life and from a partner. Be content with what you have in life, because the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. When faced with bad times turn to each other for comfort, not other people. Last but not least. Your spouse should be your best friend.