This Year Marks A Decade Of My Life, I Will Never Forget. Chapter Eight

In 2010, Three Months after Ashley and I moved into our house together, and our engagement; my Dad tried to commit suicide.

I was devastated. In the past he had threatened to kill himself, but as far as I know, he never tried. This time was different. This time he had tried. I went through a roller-coaster of emotions. I was mostly angry though. How dare he leave me. How dare he hurt my Mom like that. I thought he was selfish, to want to leave my Mom and me. I was angry. Angry that I could no longer feel happiness about my engagement. Cause Dad had taken that away.

When a relative tries to kill themselves; you go through so many feelings, emotions, and thoughts. It is a very hard thing to deal with. I could only imagine, what it must be like for family members of people who succeed at suicide. My heart goes out to those people.

For years I struggled with what he did. I tried so many times to forgive him. But I couldn’t get passed it. I felt betrayed. I know that sounds very selfish of me. But that is one thing you go through. You try to understand why someone would want to take their own life. You try to understand why someone would want to leave their family; to hurt their family like that. So..Two years later, when we lost Paige, I was an even bigger mess.

As I mentioned before; about 3 Months after Paige passed away, I found a job to keep my mind off of things. I mean, I was supposed to be home taking care of a baby, and now there was no baby to take care of. I needed to keep my mind busy. When the job didn’t work out, I found myself at home again. I was still on the mission of filling a void that couldn’t be filled. I would think of little projects, like painting the house, to keep my mind busy. Eventually I ran out of things to do. I wanted a baby so bad. That urge to take care of Paige was so strong. I needed a baby. We got pregnant with Zoey, 9 Months after losing Paige.

During my mourning of Paige, I felt a lot of anger inside. I didn’t realize at the time though, just how much that anger was growing. I was taking it out on everyone. I even stopped talking to my parents. Of coarse I thought I was justified in my reasoning for taking them out of my life. Little did I know, that not having my parents in my life was fueling the anger. I needed them, and couldn’t see clearly enough to realize that. I hurt so much, that I actually felt like I had a ball of anger inside me. I could feel it in my gut. I wanted desperately to get it out. I wanted to feel like me again. I wanted to find that happiness, that I once had.

After Zoey was born I was happy to see her healthy, and alive. But during my hospital stay, the baby blues hit hard. And it didn’t go away. 5 Months after Zoey was born, I started cutting myself. I hated myself. I started fights with anyone who would get in my path. I thought I was a burden on my family, and most of all I felt alone. The loneliness was so strong.

I cry as I write this. To take myself back to what I was feeling, is hard. I wouldn’t wish those feelings upon my worst enemy. Loneliness is a bitch. It is the worst feeling anyone could experience.

I burnt a lot of bridges over 2 1/2 years. After some therapy, and self awareness, I have turned things around. I feel like myself. And for anyone who has ever suffered from mental illness, you can understand, just how amazing it feels, to go through a dark storm, and come out the other side, feeling like yourself again.

After coming out of the storm, I understood my Dad. I understood thoughts he had over the years. And I was finally able to forgive him.

To Be Continued…..

This Year Marks A Decade Of My Life, I Will Never Forget. Chapter Five

My Husband and I were married July 2, 2011. We conceived a baby on our Honeymoon. That was our plan. At that time, we thought our plans would go exactly as we had laid them out. What we didn’t know, was that we were about to learn, that life doesn’t always turn out the way you want it to. And plans sometimes go in the shitter (metaphorically speaking)

When we found out that we were pregnant, we were excited. That is until Two weeks later we had a threatened miscarriage. The Doctor in the Hospitals Emergency, told me to take it easy for the next 24 hours. So, we went home, and I did nothing for 24 hours. I was scared.

24 hours has pasted and, baby was fine. I was able to continue with regular activity.

The pregnancy continued, and it seemed I had problem after problem. I had Gestational Diabetes, and had to inject myself with insulin. I had Gestational Hypertension (very high blood pressure) and pre-eclampsia (which I didn’t even know I had, until after the pregnancy) I also developed hot itchy feet. The itch got so bad, that I developed blisters, and had to sleep with a bucket of cold water beside the couch every night. Yep, I had to sleep on the couch, because I found our bedroom to humid, which would make my feet act up. I was starting to feel down. I didn’t know if I could make it through the pregnancy.

Because my first pregnancy and delivery went perfectly, my doctor was planning on a natural birth for this baby. I was uneasy about that, but I kept my mouth shut.

The blister on my feet got so bad, that I decided to get the doctors to look at it. During my non-stress test, I showed the nurse my feet. The look on her face made me embarrassed. She put gloves on, and was afraid to touch my feet. To give you a mental visual….. my feet were very swollen,as I was about 35 weeks pregnant. They were red from scratching, and had blisters all over them.

No one was able to figure out what was going on.

At 36 weeks, everything got so bad, that my Husband took me to emergency. The doctor who was on-call, brushed off my problems, and told me to take Benadryl. At the time I didn’t know that Benadryl can increase your blood pressure. I probably shouldn’t have been taking that.

A few days later, my doctor would tell me that at 37 weeks I would be induced. The baby was to big for me to go to 40 weeks, and with all my problems, it would be safer to induce early.

Induction day arrived, and my Husband and I went to the hospital to have our baby.

Around 9am, my doctor came in, and put a strip on my cervix that was supposed to get labor started. A few hours in, and the pain was unbearable. Now, I should tell you, that I have a high pain tolerance. So the fact that I was in tears, and couldn’t sit or stand because of the pain, my Husband and myself knew there was something wrong. Of coarse the nurse brushed it off, and told me “Induced labor is more painful than natural labor”. I knew something was wrong. They decided to get me an epidural. It did nothing. I could still feel so much pain on my right side. The doctor, nurses and the anesthesiologist were perplexed. The anesthesiologist said I shouldn’t be feeling anything. That’s when my doctor noticed blood between my legs.

 

Something like 7 1/2 hours after induction, I was being wheeled down the hall, on my way to have an emergency c-section.  During the c-section, they made my Husband leave my side, and wait in the hall. He knew then that something was seriously wrong. He was terrified for me and the baby. I was so doped up that I could feel anxious or scared. I remember asking if my Husband was okay.

The doctor took the baby out. There was no crying. I remember seeing a group of people gathered around her. I couldn’t see her. They stitched me up, and sent me to recovery.

We were told that the doctor was on the phone with Sick Kids Hospital. I remember I looked at my Husband and said, “If there is something wrong with her, that is were she should be”.

A short time later, the Pediatrician came into the recovery room, and told us that our baby passed away. I was so dehydrated, that I couldn’t cry.

The hardest thing my Husband and I have ever had to do together, is leave that hospital without a baby. I remember my Husband wheeled me to the main lobby of the hospital, so he could pull the car around. As he was walking out the hospital door, a man carrying a car seat, and a big smile on his face, came walking in. In that moment I felt so incredibly sad for my Husband. Seeing that man must have been a kick in the fave.

My Husband, our Daughter (who was 6 years-old at the time), and myself, spent the first week after our baby’s death, laying around the house. We didn’t watch TV or anything. We just sat, and stared.

Than we had to plan a funeral for our little Girl……….

This Year marks A Decade Of My Life, I Will Never Forget. Chapter Three

Finding Love as a Single Mother……

I was recovering very well from the whiplash. The insurance company was taking care of the accident, and me unable to find a job fast enough, and still no child support coming in; I had to rely once again on Ontario Works for income (Not something I’m proud of). I found myself with all of this extra time on my hands.  I started thinking now what? It was one of those times you do a little recessing on your life.

When Kyla was born, my life was all about her. For the first 15 months of her life. I had absolutely no interest in dating. I eventually started thinking about it, but after everything my ex had put me through, I just wanted to have fun.(Well, as much fun as you can have while being a responsible Mom.) Don’t get the wrong idea. I was not out all the time partying. Every other weekend was all I got. But hey, it was better than nothing, after all I was only 25, and single. To tell you the truth…I never really was the ‘party’ type. No matter what I did, I always played it a little safe.

Now I was 25 with a Three year-old. Kyla was well taken care of, and I was ready to find some one I could possibly settle down with. I was lonely. One of the bad sides to being single in your 20’s. After a night of drinking, my best friend would go home to her Husband, and I went home to no one. I wanted to have some one to come home to.

One day I was hanging out at Natalie’s. I was telling her how I was ready to finally find a good Man. She suggested that I try on-line dating. Natalie had made this suggestion before, and I had laughed it off. I told her that I didn’t want to meet someone that way. But the second time she suggested it, I decided to give it a try. I wasn’t 100% sold on the idea, but in real life you don’t meet men while doing your grocery shopping, and guys some of my friends tried hooking me up with, just didn’t meet up to my standards (the word immature comes to mind).  I made way to a computer and started looking for a dating site (I was trying to find one that I didn’t have to pay for). Finally I found one, I set up a profile and started looking at men’s profiles. I realized at that moment that this wasn’t going to be easy. Maybe my standards were to high, but I had a Daughter to look out for.

About 2 weeks after I set up my profile, I got a message from this guy named Ashley. (And yes, I did giggle a little about his name). He was a farmer, who hated smoking, he liked piercings and tattoos, like country and rock/metal music, didn’t drink, and honestly….that’s all I remember about what his profile said. I was intrigued.

My profile (if I can remember) I was quitting smoking, I drank socially, I was a single mom, I liked all kinds of music, I liked piercings and tattoos, and that’s I can recall.

We passed a few messaged back and forth, but we both wanted to meet in person. There was no point in an online relationship. Might as well meet, and find out right away if we click.

March 7, 2009. It was a rainy day.  I drove to a Milton Tim Horton’s. I was so nervous. My plan was to arrive first. I was the first one there, so I  ordered a coffee, and waited. Then a White and Blue Ford F350 Diesel pickup with a snow plow on the front, drove into the parking lot. I knew when I saw that truck,  that was the farmer I was waiting for.

He came in, bought a hot chocolate and come and sat down. To this day Ashley claims to have tripped on a chair while he was walking over, but I was so nervous, that I didn’t even notice.

We sat and talked, and before we knew it, it was time to part ways. We agreed to see each other again. Possibly a movie date. I didn’t want to leave. I liked him, and I wanted to talk some more.

When I met up with my Cousin (who was watching Kyla for me), I was so excited. I knew then , that I didn’t want to meet anyone else.

To Be Continued……….

 

Merry Christmas…..Or Whatever It Is That You Say

Today is Christmas Eve. And while I was out today I have been hearing a lot of Merry Christmas’s being past around, and I say it back proudly. I am surprised at how many still say that. We’ve have all seen posts going around Facebook, telling people to say Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays. Or those people who post to social media groups saying that Christmas is being taken away from us. Well….I call Bullshit on that theory.

Canada is multicultural, especially here in Ontario. We have all sorts of religions here, and I can honestly say that never, have I had someone get angry or upset with me for saying Merry Christmas. To those who get upset and blame immigrants for trying to steal Christmas, let me point out some logic here for you.

No one has the right to stop you from celebrating Christmas. What you celebrate in your home is your business. I do say Merry Christmas to people, and in return I welcome them to say Happy whatever it is they celebrate back to me, and I don’t get offended. NO ONE is trying to stop Christmas. It’s all in your head. Along with all your hate. Maybe more Christians should embrace other cultures, while embracing their own.

I for one am tired of seeing and hearing people complain about how we are losing the right to celebrate Christmas. I think with all the hate going around, we are losing sight of what the Holidays really mean. The true meaning of Christmas. Love, Family, Friends, Giving, and of coarse Food 😉

Maybe you should take a minute and look around. Look at what you have, and how lucky you are that you have it. Some out there have nothing. Some are sleeping on the street tonight, with no family, and no turkey supper. Some families can’t afford gifts for their children. My kids are ecstatic about Santas arrival and presents tomorrow morning. My heart breaks for those children who will have an bare tree Christmas morning, or no tree at all. So instead of all complaining, how about you get off your ass and give to the less fortunate?

Merry Christmas….. or Happy whatever you celebrate!

 

 

 

Religion and Spirituality Part 1

Religion…. That is one word that gets people angry, and has started wars. Why? Why would a word that is meant to symbolize spiritual freedom, righteousness, and love, be a hot topic for most people?

 

I started my blog almost Two years ago, and I have been debating writing a blog about religion this entire time. I have gone back and forth, to write or not to write about this topic. I have been collecting (mentally) different information, and keeping an open mind to what different people believe. As you read this I ask you to keep an open mind. I am not a very religious person, and nor do I force my opinion or beliefs onto others. I am just merely examining my thoughts, and the thoughts of others………

Demons. Hell. Heaven. Angels. GOD. Jesus. You have heard different stories, seen movies and read books about every single one of these. Christianity tells us that if we sin and do not repent, we will go to Hell. If you do not believe in GOD, you will go to Hell. I have to admit that I have been confused by the whole religious thing my entire life. I have thought about creation VS. Evolution. I have thought about how science give us answers, results, maybe even facts. I have thought about how the Bible seems to be filled with very imaginative stories. And about how religion gives no answers, results or facts………Do I have your attention yet?……. Let’s look into that last statement a little more, shall we. I say that religion give us no answers, results or facts, because it is all based upon hope. That’s it, just hope. The hope that there is something better out there. Hope that there has to be something better than what you live everyday here on earth. Now, I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with hope, hope gets people through some pretty tough situations. I’m just pointing out how so many people put all of their heart and soul into something that they don’t even know exists. Is it a strong fear, of what if Hell exists, that motivates people to believe in something they have never seen? We have all hear a story of someone who was at deaths door, maybe even passed for a minute or so, than came back. These people claim to have seen GOD. My Grandmother had claimed to have seen GOD, and he sent her back because it wasn’t time yet. It is stories like these that make it so you can’t help but wonder what if. What if there is a GOD? What if there is a heaven? Will I get in? What happens after you die?

All of us can agree that religion is dying. More and more people choose not to believe. It is safe to say that most families nowadays don’t attend church. Those who attend church regularly would say that is what’s wrong with the world today, not enough Christian values in today’s society…… I guess that could be true, but what about those who don’t attend church, but still lead a christian life. My family for example. We don’t attend church unless it’s for a funeral or a wedding, and we don’t live a life of constant sin. We are truthful, my Husband and I are monogamist, we teach our children to be kind, honest and caring to everyone, to help your fellow man. I ask, what about some people who attend church regularly, and sin any chance they get? Do they get to go and do whatever they want just because the go to church? What about those priests who were molesting little boys of families who attended church? Do they get into heaven over me? I don’t think it matters whether or not you attend church. I think it comes down to who you are on the inside. You can con any person on earth into believing that you are a good christian, and a kind, trustworthy person, but GOD knows who you are on the inside. After all, if GOD created us, then he would know what’s in your soul. Wouldn’t he? I like to think that if there is a GOD, there is no acceptance for certain sins. GOD may forgive cheating on your spouse, or stealing lip gloss from a store, or lying, but I refuse to believe that he would forgive kidnapping, molestation, cold blooded murder, or worse. Whether you beg and plea, or are on your death bed, some things just aren’t forgivable. A true righteous GOD would condemn some people to an eternity of torture in Hell. I can not believe in a GOD that would let a child molester walk side by side with me through Heavens gates.

 

Lets move on to Guardian Angels. I’m not entirely sure what the christian church tells us about angels. Some believe that we all have a guardian angel that watches over us. Some believe that passed loved ones are our guardian angels. Others believe that there are no angels watching over you, and that you stay safe from certain situations because of natural instinct. I have been in situations where I went to do something and I felt a strong pull, and every instinct in my body is yelling at me ‘NO, DON’T DO IT’. Is that the work of a guardian angel, or just my natural instinct? Ever hear about Women’s Intuition? I have it, we all have it. Some of us just listen better than others. However, I do think it’s nice to think that maybe there are Guardian Angels that watch over us. It does feel good to believe that someone has your back, even if you can’t see them.

Ever meet someone and get a strong feeling that you can’t trust them? I have. Is that natural instinct or a Guardian Angel? I have to give Man Kind some credit, and believe that there is an instinct inside all of us, and it is up to you to listen to it, and make decisions wisely. I let my instincts guide me through life. It does make life easier when you follow yourself and not what others tell you……. That brings me to the next question. If you follow GOD does he place all good things in your future? Or does he like to watch us suffer just a little from time to time? Or maybe it’s just a case of you not listening to signs from GOD or your own instinct. What if you meet a priest or reverend, and you get a bad feeling about them. Is it okay to turn your back on the church and trust your instinct or Guardian Angel? Or do you ignore it for the sake of the church?

 

TO BE CONTINUED

 

A Change for the Better

I was up at 6:00am this morning. I woke and couldn’t get back to sleep.  My brain feels like it’s in overdrive. My thoughts go a mile a minute……….. What is it that has my mind racing at 6:00am on a holiday Monday? My parents.

I sit quietly drinking a coffee. I listen to the silence of my house. Everyone else is still asleep. I think about the night before, when I was at my parents and listening, and seeing how my Mom feels about herself. I see her cry and hear her say that she has no self esteem. I watch my Dad’s reaction to this, and I begin to fully think about how our actions and words affect others.

After my coffee, and everyone else still asleep, I decide to go downstairs and get a quick workout in.

Then, everyone else still asleep, I decide to write this blog……..I have the words in my head, but I am having trouble getting it out. Odd for me. Usually when I sit and write my blog the words just flow. Maybe I should go back into the past a little bit, to give you a better understanding of me and my parents.

I guess you could say that my parents and I are a little broken. If you have been following my blogs, you already know that I have blamed my parents for a lot. I even went a period of time of not talking to them. Things have changed for the better and we are all working towards mending our family. I have been through therapy and my Dad has as well. My Mom has just started and has a very long road ahead of her.

My Mom has very low self esteem. She was told by her therapist to write down 10 things that she likes about herself. Her bristol board remains blank. She can’t talk about it without crying. I know I should give her a hug, I want to give her a hug. But I have trouble. Not because I don’t care, but because I don’t know how to comfort her. I can comfort my Husband and my Girls, but I have trouble with showing affection towards my parents.

What is weighing heavily on my mind, is self esteem and how we teach our children to view themselves. How we teach our children to comfort, and to express emotions without shame. I think about where my Mom’s self esteem issues came from.

My Mom’s sisters have told her that she needs to get over it. As far as I know, they offer no comforting words or gestures. Is this because maybe growing up they were not taught how to comfort? My Aunts love my Mom, so please do not assume that there is no love in my family. They weren’t taught the skills to comfort. As most people aren’t. This would have been passed down through the generations.

I think about not just what my family and I can do, what she needs to do for herself. I was in therapy, because I lost my skills to cope. I have been through a lot, seen a lot and losing my baby was just the last straw. Thus the reason for going some time without talking to my parents. I couldn’t cope with my own problems let alone anyone elses. Hell, I couldn’t cope with anything. I still have trouble and sometimes I need to put myself on a time out, but I have come a long way to getting back to being myself. Getting my fight back. That was something I had to do myself, but kind words and support from my Husband gave me the confidence that I needed to get back to my normal.

Both of my parents weren’t taught how to comfort others. That was one issue I had growing up. I felt I was left alone to deal with all the problems of the world. Over the years I developed a thick skin. I learned how to put up walls. Now watching my Mom, it becomes clear to me, just how high my walls are. My highest walls are the ones between myself and my parents. It all comes full circle. When my Mom tells me that she loves me, I can now say it back. Now, that may seem like a small thing, even a normal thing for you. But for me this is huge. I have to learn to comfort my Mom. To help us all fix our relationships we have to learn to give comfort, even if that person has not given it to us. I think that my whole family needs to learn to comfort each other. Not just for my Mom’s sake, but for the well being of everyone. We need to teach the next generation to be more compassionate.

So I guess I will end this blog with  advice to everyone. Be more compassionate to others. Our world is full of anger and hate. With each passing generation it gets worse. I don’t mean to sound like a tree hugging hippe, but I fear for the generations to come. I fear that my Girls will grow up feeling worthless and have no confidence in themselves. I will make a change to turn the cycle around. Will you?

 

 

The Truth on the Destruction of Man Kind

Natural Disasters, Global Warming, diseases, Obesity, Poverty, Homicides, Suicides or maybe even a Zombie Apocalypse. These are just some of the ways the media (or movies) advocates the end of Man kind………. The real truth that will end us all…….The rapid growth of major cities and the disappearing farm land.

My Husband is a Crop Farmer, so I might be a little biased, but you can’t ignore the facts.

The population of the world grows everyday. Cities are being built outward, and farmland is being sold off to developers. Now add in the fact that most city folk are uneducated about agriculture. Ask around and see how many people think their food comes from the store or market. Somewhere down the line agriculture got a bad rep. We need to educate people about the value of land and food. Everyone wants the best of the best. The biggest house, the best car the highest paying job etc…… but at what price?

Fact 1. The world is only so big. We can not make it bigger.

Fact 2. There is only so much land. We can not make more land.

Fact 3. We need food to live.

Fact 4. You can not grow crops and raise livestock  in the city.

Fact 5. You need good soil to get a good yield from crops.

Fact 6. In Ontario, you can only go so far North with growing crops. Just 1-2 hours away from where we live you get into cottage country, there the earth is to rocky for cropping.

Fact 7.  One field of Corn produces more oxygen and gets rid of more carbon dioxide than one forest does.

Fact 8. Corn and soy beans are used in almost everything. Fire works, crayons, furniture etc…..

So how do we fix this problem you ask??? My opinion…….Grow  up with the cities.

Instead of growing outward, maybe we should be looking at how we can grow up. Grow the city within the city. Preserve farmland. If land is deemed part of the Greenbelt, then by God, keep it that way. Don’t build subdivisions on that land. Children should be educated from a young age about agriculture. I say this because there are people out there who have no idea how their food gets to the store or the market. I once had a friend tell me that she thought eggs where aborted chickens. Yep…I still laugh at that one. The truth….eggs that we eat were never fertilized. Chickens lay eggs. That’s  just what they do. To get baby chicks you need a rooster to fertilize the egg. No rooster, no baby chicks. The eggs are just yolk. So we either eat them or they go to waste. Please explain to me how a grown Women thought other wise?

There is a rumor that farmers beat their animals and animals are forced to get pregnant and their young is ripped from them at a young age. Ummm, I think that is both a lie and a stereotype. Did you know that when a cow is happy, it’s chewing it’s cud? Did you know that the cows utter works like our beasts, if you keep pumping, they will keep producing. Now, did you also know that stereotyping is wrong and assumption is the Mother of all F**k ups?

My point here is to prove how uneducated most are. It doesn’t matter if you are vegan, vegetarian, gluten free, diabetic, or a meat eater, we all need farmers. We all need to save our farm land. If the rapid growth of our cities continues, that will be the end of man kind. Not global warming or any other thing the media points the blame finger at. We need to get real and fast. The size of your house, the price of your car and your job title won’t do you any good when there is no food to feed your family. All the money in the world won’t save you, if we built up all of our land.

I’m just a house wife Mother of two, who supports farmers and all they do and all the sacrifices they make to put food in our stores. Thank You, may the farm not be forgotten.

 

 

 

 

30 and having a quarter life crisis???

I turned 30 December 4, 2013. Usually when a Birthday comes and goes I don’t feel any different. Turning 30 however, has my mind spinning and I feel like I need to live, because who knows when my time maybe up.

I became a Mom at the age of 21, and only now, for the first time do I feel like an adult. Everything is different. The way I look at the world. My opinion on just about everything. I feel wiser, stronger and more comfortable with who I am. I know what I want from life. I know what I expect from others, and who I want to associate with. I know what I want from life, and I feel like I see the big picture and know what is truly important. I care a lot less about what other people think. I guess you could say, I’m stuck in my ways.

“They are stuck in their ways”…… That was something I would her my parents say about seniors. Now I realize that, that saying can apply to 30 year-olds as well.

I find myself being more concerned about my health. I have been doing good with loosing weight I have gained over the years, with having baby’s and mourning the loss of our second baby Girl. I feel so motivated. In fact I don’t recall ever being this motivated in my life. For the first time I feel free, and I want to live and really enjoy life, the way I want to enjoy it.

I want to rid my life of all people who just cause me heart ache and bring me down. I know who I am and I love me. I want to tell the world “This is who I am, if you don’t like it than fuck off”………Yeah, I know that sounds a little harsh, but can I say, I can be a rash person. I’m blunt. I am learning with age, that there is a time and a place, but I am who I am. I will always be an outspoken person. I have passion, drive. What’s wrong with that?

I recently had an argument with a Cousin. We grew up together and are like Sisters. But life has taken us on different paths, experiences etc… we are completely different. Like night and day.She is a city slicker and I am a country Girl. I called her a snob. After a few days I contacted her to apologize for overreacting to what was going on. She than told me ” I am still hurt by what you said.” and “You are an opinionated person, and I accept that”. I understand what she was saying, but I was also a little confused. Are we not all opinionated? We all have opinions. I mean if you say that you are not opinionated, than you must not have much going on upstairs. I just can not figure out why some people have to continue to point out that I am opinionated. What I ment by calling her a snob is certain things she does is snobby. As more of a country person, I do things and act differently than a city person. Example……On our yearly Girls night we went to the movies after a dinner at a local restauant I guess halfway through the movie, I guess she got board, cause she took out her cell phone and was sitting there playing on her phone in the theatre. I glanced at her, shocked that she would do that. I did not say anything to her, because I didn’t want to start anything (see, I can keep my mouth shut sometimes). That is what I ment when I said snob. Having lack or no consideration of others who paid to see the movie and might actually be enjoying it. I love my Cousin to death, but give me a break. I am not aloud to think that was a snobby thing to do. Am I not?

Any who…..back to turning 30.

Lately I have also been feeling like I don’t relate to a lot of people. Most people. I have always been an outsider, but I feel more like I don’t fit in. And I’m ok with that. I find I get a long better with my Mom-in-law and my Aunt, people their age. Is that because everything I have been through has pushed me forward mentally? I am 30, but sometimes the way I look at things I feel 50.

What the F**K is wrong with people?

The title, I think, is a very good question……..

Like usual over our Family Christmas turkey supper there was some interesting conversation going on. And like usual, I learned a thing or two. What really blew my mind was hearing that there are people in this world who think milk, meat and veggies come from the store. Yep, you read it right……You can close your mouth now. I was just as shocked as you to get that news. My in-laws are farmers, my Husband is a farmer and I grew up in a small town, which used to be about agriculture. To me, growing up I always knew where our food comes from. I have no memory of ever thinking otherwise or even not knowing. I say city folks need to be educated on the importance of agriculture. I will start. I will speak slowly for you city folk. Okay. Farmers…..plant….seeds…in…the..ground…crops, such as…corn, wheat, soy beans, barley etc….. grow. Farmers….. also…. plant…..vegetables….. and raise…… animals….. such as pigs, cows, sheep etc.. for meat. Chickens….. are raised….. for either producing eggs….. or meat. Milk comes from a……. cow. Now. What I am about to tell you may come as a huge shock for some but……CHOCOLATE MILK DOSE NOT COME FROM BROWN COWS! They add cocoa to white milk to make it chocolate. COCOA DOES NOT COME FROM A COW. Cocoa comes from a plant! Animals are taken from the farm to the butcher, THEN to the store or market. Vegetables go from the farm to the store or market. Are some of you city folk starting to catch on here? If we keep losing farm land for developers and housing we will run out of land for farming. I mean the world is only so big and it won’t grow, and land just doesn’t pop out of nowhere. Eventually we would starve to death! Get it?

Something else that really blows my mind it the number of people who post pictures to facebook of their kids in the bath or on the crapper. REALLY??? Don’t you have any respect for you kids privacy? People also feel the need to post every detail of their lives. It won’t be long people will be announcing the last time they took a shit or got a yeast infection. It’s bad enough I have to read about the latest fight you had with your Husband. Frankly, I don’t give a shit!